Misadventures of an Amateur Potty Trainer…

You know you’re a first-time parent when potty training continues to get the best of you, taunting you at every turn. I’m really starting to hate that toilet… almost as much as my two-year-old does!

If you’ve yet to experience the fun adventures of Amateur Potty Training, here’s a glimpse of what you have to look forward to:


Step One: The Purchase

Despite your wife’s warnings, you pay big bucks to buy the coolest looking potty chair at the store and pat yourself on the back. You just know your kid’s gonna love this thing – how could they not?


Step Two: The Letdown

You feel a little surprised when your kid decides the potty chair is a toy instead of a place to get business done, and squeals in delight as he scoots around the house on his “Car Potty” as he goes “Vrrroomm!!” Yep… going potty is the furthest thing from his little mind right now…


Step Three: Determination

You don’t lose heart, but take the thing apart and place the training seat on the big toilet. Your kid quickly discovers that the little “flushing” button that makes car noises is still on the seat, and decides that the big toilet is his new favorite play area!

cars-potty taken apart

Step Four: Utter Hopelessness

Feeling determined, you break out the screwdriver and take the flushing button off. Now he’ll surely get serious about going potty, right? Oh boy, how wrong you are. You shake your head as you watch this kid cry, yell, squirm around, and even manage to stick his foot down in the toilet water… he basically does every human action imaginable on that stupid training seat except the one thing he’s supposed to do…

The “Pulling Out Your Hair in Frustration” stage begins…

Motel Room Toilet

Step Five: Celebrate Good Times!

At bedtime, your wife sees Little One looking a little agitated and says, “Do you need to go potty?” He says, “Uh-huh!” and she rushes him to the big toilet and plops him down (no time to mess with the awesome training seat, you see…)   A few moments later, he goes! Everyone in the house celebrates like there’s no tomorrow, and you pass out stickers like they were candy…

You end up hiding the awful potty seat in a closet, and realize that – well – you could have saved a lot of time and money by leaving that thing on the shelf!

And yes, as much as you hate to admit it…again

It looks like Mommy was right.


Okay, Parental Experts – I’m counting on you! Any potty-training tips?


17 thoughts on “Misadventures of an Amateur Potty Trainer…

  1. Oh how I remember those days. Praying for you….don’t worry…..it all comes together somehow. 🙂 Seems life forever sometimes, but it is all just a blink of an eye, really. 🙂 This was a wonderful post.


    1. Ha! Thanks – that is encouraging, actually… I know it’ll come together in his little mind one day, but right now he’s fighting us on this one! I keep thinking that I need to call my Mom and thank her for being patient with me through those rough early years!


      1. You definitely SHOULD call your mother! I look forward to that “thank you” call someday. 🙂 My youngest is nine….it will be awhile, though.

        I just kept telling myself as I was going through all those little trials, “He/She will not still be doing this by their wedding day–someday, this will pass.” Thankfully, it all did wayyyyyy before. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes keep watching for the pee pee dance… celebrate… playing in the backyard naked is fun for two year olds. They get that sense of what happens to feel that pee running out (graphic) I know. Toilet sitting practise every hour with a novelty item, story, freezie… makes it a fun place to sit for a few minutes… all these take TIME. (we did all these tricks when I was a nursery school teacher and now as a Nanny) What works for one kid will not work for another. Find the currency and exchange it for Toilet sitting practise. Let us know how it all comes out! (pun intended.)


  3. With both my own kids AND from my long-ago days in working as a daycare teacher, I made a grid on a big piece of paper and hung it on the bathroom wall. They got a sticker every time they went successfully and stuck it in the grid. After he masters “number one” then you can move to the “super duper pooper award”. Also, take him and sit him on the potty every 30 minutes or so. Eventually, your timing will be right and he’ll actually need to go. Then do as you did and celebrate big! Good luck! 😀


      1. LOL! If it works, you could even get you and your wife bumper stickers and matching T-shirts that say “Proud Parent of a Super Duper Pooper.” Of course I’m kidding, but when your child reaches that mark, you really will feel like it. 🙂


  4. After potty training three children (two boys and a girl), I have two things to say. 1) each child is different and what works for one will not work for another, and 2) very few children start to school and still wear diapers.

    My oldest child was the toughest. I didn’t think he would ever consistently use the toilet. Seriously, the kid was pushing 4 before he got the hang of it. No worries though. Now he is a very handsome 14 year old, about to start high school and serves on a state level board for the 4-H club … and he knows how to use the toilet and even (on occasion) has been known to clean one for me. 😀

    My second child (also a boy) was the easiest. He trained in a single day. He got a nasty diaper rash. When he moaned about it hurting, I told him he would never have another diaper rash once he stopped wearing diapers. He immediately put on a pair of his big brother’s underwear and never had a single accident! After my experience with his older brother, I was pleasantly shocked. 😀

    By the time I got around to potty training my daughter, I was so used to the pee-pee dance and passing out stickers that I didn’t even pay attention to how long it took or the amount of effort involved. Just know that the days are long and the years are short … one day this too shall pass!


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