You know you’re a first-time parent when potty training continues to get the best of you, taunting you at every turn. I’m really starting to hate that toilet… almost as much as my two-year-old does!
If you’ve yet to experience the fun adventures of Amateur Potty Training, here’s a glimpse of what you have to look forward to:
Step One: The Purchase
Despite your wife’s warnings, you pay big bucks to buy the coolest looking potty chair at the store and pat yourself on the back. You just know your kid’s gonna love this thing – how could they not?
Step Two: The Letdown
You feel a little surprised when your kid decides the potty chair is a toy instead of a place to get business done, and squeals in delight as he scoots around the house on his “Car Potty” as he goes “Vrrroomm!!” Yep… going potty is the furthest thing from his little mind right now…
Step Three: Determination
You don’t lose heart, but take the thing apart and place the training seat on the big toilet. Your kid quickly discovers that the little “flushing” button that makes car noises is still on the seat, and decides that the big toilet is his new favorite play area!
Step Four: Utter Hopelessness
Feeling determined, you break out the screwdriver and take the flushing button off. Now he’ll surely get serious about going potty, right? Oh boy, how wrong you are. You shake your head as you watch this kid cry, yell, squirm around, and even manage to stick his foot down in the toilet water… he basically does every human action imaginable on that stupid training seat except the one thing he’s supposed to do…
The “Pulling Out Your Hair in Frustration” stage begins…
Step Five: Celebrate Good Times!
At bedtime, your wife sees Little One looking a little agitated and says, “Do you need to go potty?” He says, “Uh-huh!” and she rushes him to the big toilet and plops him down (no time to mess with the awesome training seat, you see…) A few moments later, he goes! Everyone in the house celebrates like there’s no tomorrow, and you pass out stickers like they were candy…
You end up hiding the awful potty seat in a closet, and realize that – well – you could have saved a lot of time and money by leaving that thing on the shelf!
And yes, as much as you hate to admit it…again…
It looks like Mommy was right.
Okay, Parental Experts – I’m counting on you! Any potty-training tips?