Stalked by Fear: Part I

Stalked by Fear: Part I

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He used to tip-toe into my room at night, grabbing me by the throat until my breath came in short gasps. My heart would beat wildly against my chest as I listened to the clock tick-tick-tick the hours away, the stench of his breath making it difficult to breathe.

For months, he kept me awake night after night. I would lie for hours, afraid to give in to sleep…afraid that if I did, I might never wake up. Week after week, he haunted me…

His name?

Fear.

When I was twelve years old, I suffered from a terrible case of insomnia. I used to dread going to bed at night because I knew I would spend countless hours in a state of panic,terrified that if I fell asleep my heart might stop beating and I might never wake up. I tried drinking warm milk and listening to music, but nothing seemed to relieve these exhausting symptoms.

I assumed my fear was irrational, but had no idea how to deal with it. Until one Sunday, when my father preached a sermon on God’s judgment and I realized that my fear wasn’t irrational at all – I needed to be afraid.

Because, you see, I had never made my life right with God. My own selfish actions and sinful choices were like a cancer, eating away at my heart from the inside. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it myself. I needed Jesus… He was the only One Who could wash my blackened heart, make it new again, and deliver me from fear:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” – Ezekiel 36:26

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

And deliver me He did! The moment I fell on my knees and admitted to Him that was lost on my own and desperately needed Him to forgive my wrongdoings and heal my heart, a sense of peace like I had never experienced washed over me.

As for fear – that midnight stalker who had held me in his grip of terror – he moved on to his next victim. Since the moment I found Jesus, I’ve slept soundly (sometimes a little too soundly), because I know my future is secure.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

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Writing 101 Day 4 Challenge: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.

Today’s Twist: Make this post the first in a three-part series.

 

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12 thoughts on “Stalked by Fear: Part I

  1. it’s interesting. I dealt with a very similar situation when I was younger but finding Jesus wasn’t my personal answer, or at least not yet. I like the distinctly fresh perspective your blog puts forth, your passion is inspiring. Unrelated, I’m really curious how we’re going to turn these into a 3 part series…

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    1. Thanks for being so encouraging! Of course, I’m not saying that believing in Jesus magically makes all your problems and fears go away, because that’s not true (more on that to come)! Jesus never promised to remove all life’s trials, but He does promise to help us through them, and that brings such peace! As to the unrelated comment, I don’t know how this is going to play out either, but it’s going to be fun to see what they throw at us tomorrow!

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  2. You described fear so perfectly, there is nothing quite as haunting as fear itself. What a wonderful twist, though, being delivered by the only One who really can bring us peace and security!

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