Stalked by Fear: Part I
He used to tip-toe into my room at night, grabbing me by the throat until my breath came in short gasps. My heart would beat wildly against my chest as I listened to the clock tick-tick-tick the hours away, the stench of his breath making it difficult to breathe.
For months, he kept me awake night after night. I would lie for hours, afraid to give in to sleep…afraid that if I did, I might never wake up. Week after week, he haunted me…
When I was twelve years old, I suffered from a terrible case of insomnia. I used to dread going to bed at night because I knew I would spend countless hours in a state of panic,terrified that if I fell asleep my heart might stop beating and I might never wake up. I tried drinking warm milk and listening to music, but nothing seemed to relieve these exhausting symptoms.
I assumed my fear was irrational, but had no idea how to deal with it. Until one Sunday, when my father preached a sermon on God’s judgment and I realized that my fear wasn’t irrational at all – I needed to be afraid.
Because, you see, I had never made my life right with God. My own selfish actions and sinful choices were like a cancer, eating away at my heart from the inside. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it myself. I needed Jesus… He was the only One Who could wash my blackened heart, make it new again, and deliver me from fear:
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” – Ezekiel 36:26
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
And deliver me He did! The moment I fell on my knees and admitted to Him that was lost on my own and desperately needed Him to forgive my wrongdoings and heal my heart, a sense of peace like I had never experienced washed over me.
As for fear – that midnight stalker who had held me in his grip of terror – he moved on to his next victim. Since the moment I found Jesus, I’ve slept soundly (sometimes a little too soundly), because I know my future is secure.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10
Writing 101 Day 4 Challenge: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.
Today’s Twist: Make this post the first in a three-part series.